Nov 7, 2015. Saturday.

I woke up good. Then, I eat those creamy rice they used for nasi lemak with chilli-laden of fried chicken breasts. Those are not good for breakfast, and certaintly not good for my stomach. Now my migraine and all the shitty feelings came back all at the same time. I'll try to limit my intake next time.

Yesterday, I just got 80 dollars from my demo account. Which is 40% gain for my capital. It felt so good, I think I can do this trading stuff. And I will do it right.

Now that I cut contact with my close friend, what can I do to fill those gaps.  Can a game or music fills it? I'll probably will not make game as a substitution. Music will do, for now. Until then, make tons of money, buy a house and finally, have a cat. I've been wanting a cat for a pet for so long now. Cats are my only salvation to fill those loneliness, sadly.

Read More

Nov 5, 2015. Thursday.

On this day i have come to the realization that I am alone in this world. Just alone. No one is there for me because of "me". They are there because they gained something from me. It's always has been like that. I just didn't noticed it yet, until now. If there is god, then I am thankful to him for this knowledge. Self-interest makes the world go round.

One of the things that I really want in life is like everyone else, the safety of a home. There is no place like home, that is true enough. I know I need stability, comfort and a safe place, and that place is not this home; the place that i was born. Of all the 25 years of living in this house, I have seldom feel safe, much less comfort. But it is stable, that i give you. And because of that I have pledged to earn some money, so I can buy a place I can call home.

I want to apologize to my old self because I have not written anything on this blog. I am supposed to do so, but again, I continue to make mistake. However depressed I am, it is not excuse to not write anything on this blog. Any thing goes here, however big or small.

I'm supposed to pick up my late-salary today. Let's see if the guy can come up with the money or not.

Read More

Aug 27, 2015. Thursday.

Today's a good day. I met my friend and we talk a lot about the current news, etc which is a rare topic to be discussed. Usually it's tedious, long small talk.

Then at night I met my previous boss and talk about hyip investment. He really believes in this program. I just don't see it. Me, I just believe in my work and my effort. Nothing is easy in this world.

My boss's son gave me a usb cable. Maybe I should return it. I hate gifts.

Read More

Aug 22, 2015. Saturday.

Today I felt heavy as usual. My depression are still with me and I am leave to it's mercy. Got up at 7.10, which is 10 minutes late to my job.

I intentionally avoid talking to people again. I felt great when I don't do that. I don't know why I keep avoiding them. I think I still see the world as prison and the people as the cruel prisoners. I should be joining them; It's hard to fight the crowd after all.

Hmm water. I need to drink more water and less sugary drink. Been taking a lot of soda the past 2 years. It's bad for me and I keep doing it.

Money.. I need money.

Read More